reassure me of an uncertainty
by Hikari1127
Summary: If history repeated itself, would I lose you, too? —NaLu, Inspired by Chap. 337


**note:** THAT LATEST CHAPTER. Seriously.  
**note2:** Written in less than half a day. Pretty fast for my pace.  
**note3:** Inspired by Chapter 337, that heartwarming Future Lucy scene _and_ that NaLu hug.  
**disclaimer:** If _only_. I doubt Mashima-san thinks of a story idea as soon as he wakes up.  
**summary:** The what ifs that loomed over her head were too much to rejoice their victory.

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Sometimes, Lucy thinks, what if Future Rogue was never defeated?

The thought plagues her mind when she's reached the point that she feels a little too happy—when she thinks that there's no end to happiness as she knows it and the days when she would smile would not be counted. Because it was after the uphill battle in the Grand Magic Games and the joy of winning that everything went downhill (she just knew this when the others told her, of course, because she wasn't there to witness it all). It was like the world wanted to ruin happiness, like when they thought they could finally escape the castle underground then Future Rogue comes in their way and ruins it all.

(Her thoughts all come down to Future Rogue, it seems.)

Sometimes, when she was feeling masochistic, she puts herself in her future self's shoes.

The impact hits home hard when she does. 7 years into the future, living alone, with all her friends dead and the only reminder of them and her connection to them gone. The dragons rule the world and she barely escapes extinction. 7 years of loneliness and aloneness that must've driven her near insanity—a day without the guild's antics would've been missed by her now (she appreciates it all the more now—the noises, the crashes, the sound of _life_). And the way her expression turned soft and relieved and _happy_ when she saw Natsu—

It was not unknown to them that her Natsu died as well, and that makes Lucy's chest ache all over. Maybe that's what hurts the most.

Sometimes, whenever she feels the tears gathering, she tortures herself with thoughts of _what if?_

What if Future Rogue was never defeated?

What if the gate was never destroyed?

What if more dragons came through it?

What if they found their strengths and hope leaving them because _there were just too many and they were too strong and not even the dragonslayers could slay them_?

What if they got killed, one by one?

Or worse, what if everyone she loved died instead of her, and she was left alone to live on her own, in a world composed of nothing but destruction and ruins?

_Like Future Lucy_.

At that thought, the dam would fully break and she would draw her legs in on herself, like an act of self-preservation that never works.

And then Natsu would find her crumpled up in her room, hidden in the dark corners, and he would kneel down in front of her and call her name softly—as if he was afraid she would flinch away from him—and—and—

—and she would just fling her arms around him tightly with an urgency she had never felt before, and bury her tear-streaked face on the scarf around his neck, inhaling his scent and _reassuring herself that this wasn't a dream_ that would crumble at any minute and be replaced with the carnage of the dragon invasion. That _he_ wasn't a dream that would melt away into a nightmare.

"Lucy," Natsu says as he wounds his arms around her just as tight, "C'mon Lucy, don't cry..."

And she thinks how sometimes, Future Lucy could've thought of this, hallucinated in her darkest times that her Natsu would be there to comfort her—and the thought only made her cry harder.

"Na—Natsu..." Hiccup. Sob. "I—I..."

"I won't go away, okay?" he says with so much conviction it almost makes her believe that they were forever—that he wouldn't go away if he wanted to stay, and that she wouldn't be left alone. "Everything—everything's okay now."

The _what if?_ was balancing at the tip of her tongue, because whenever things were starting to be _okay_, one thing comes to destroy everything and squash whatever happiness they've managed to acquire. "Natsu, Future Lucy—" And the words catch in her throat and she feels the pain ripping at her chest again. _Pathetic_, she thinks, _crying over something like a future that possibly wouldn't even happen anymore_.

Natsu's eyes widen at the mention of her future self and the unspoken hardships she had to go through, and he must've been thinking of another _what if?_ that his arms tighten around her and he rests his head on hers. A sigh breathes itself into her hair. "I know...what Future Lucy had to go through," he says, shifting so she was sitting between his legs. "I was—I was scared, too, for you."

A gasp forms in her lips. "Natsu..."

She feels him weaken into her embrace. "I don't want to leave you alone like that." Fingers comb through her hair, and it brings an unexplainable calm through her body. She leans towards the warmth. "It—it makes my chest hurt just thinking about it."

"Your future self died on Future Lucy." The smile on her lips was wry and mirthless. "What if that happened again, to me?" She stops herself just before another damned _what if?_ hangs itself onto the air around them.

She expects him to say "It won't, Lucy" and reassure her with his own strength so his silence catches her completely off-guard, knocks the breath out of her lungs—because Natsu always knew the right things to say, but even at that moment, he didn't know what words would make her feel alright. Another quiet moment passes until he speaks again. "I don't know," he finally says, almost regretfully. "But," he lifts her head and stares at her with so much determination that the sobs die down, completely dissolve into nothing, "just remember, that even if something like that happens, I'll always, always, _always_ come back for you. That we wouldn't be separated permanently." He gives her the grin, and the worries cease in her head. "Like how Future Lucy must be with future me now, and with everyone else, after all those things that happened."

And she understands, accepts wholeheartedly, how even if time and death were their enemies, that bonds can never really be severed by those, and that Natsu would always, _always_ be with her—in her mind, in her guild mark, in her smiles, and in her heart.

_Thank you, Natsu._

"Now," he picks himself off the floor and offers her a hand, "get over here already." His thumb caresses her cheek and wipes her tears away. "Everyone's waiting."

She nods and stands tall, a wide smile forming on her face. "Yeah. Let's go."

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_Let's continue on our adventure._

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**note:** Well, I don't know what came over me today, but I'm actually a bit flowery with this.  
**note2:** Tell me what you think of this, or even the latest chapter!  
**note3:** In the Review box, not just in your minds ;) I'm no psychic (or am I?).  
**note4:** And could you tell that I totally used lines from the latest chapter?


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